CALL ME SNAKE

Lowell, Massachusetts, birthplace of Jack Kerouac, has solved the illicit drug problem that now grips the nation: A Dunkin’ Donuts there has removed its chairs and stools. Everyone knows that drug dealers are lazy bums who like to sit on their asses whenever possible. But not in Lowell. Now if the rest of the country will just follow suit, we’ll have a drug-free (and chair-free) society. Amen.