CALL ME SNAKE

It’s true, I brag a lot about my family, but, hey, with a family like mine, what else can I do? I’m just being honest. My cousin Bob’s exploits in the high-profile sport of rock, paper&scissors made the front page of Nashville’s main daily. My cousin Bill’s exploits in Santa Monica’s intensely-competitive roofball scene were chronicled this spring in a famous blog, “Call Me Snake.” Meanwhile, my cousin Mike’s exploits on the basketball court, as player/coach of “The Old Fockers,” were featured last month in the Chicago newspaper, “The Week Behind.” Mike’s team was not just mediocre, it was stupendously bad. Under his stewardship, the Old Fockers lost one game by 67 points. Overall, he guided his team to a 0-10 record which was, according to the local paper, “the worst record in the history of the Holstein Park Adult Basketball League.” There’s no way you can pull something like that off just by luck. Maybe one game, or two games. But 10 straight? No, that takes talent. And a real Focker.

So that’s my family: Meet the Fockers. And if you’re playing basketball, by all means Beat the Fockers. Everyone else does.