SORRY, DID I SAY GULAG? by Steve Nadis
Bush is outraged. Rummy is shocked and Cheney offended. Why? Because Amnesty International had the gall to use the word “gulag” when describing the detention center in Guantanamo Bay. Their simple ploy seems to have diverted attention from the prisoner abuses routinely going on at U.S. hands–holding people without charge, detaining them indefinitely, and even torturing them, if and when we see fit. For once, I’m going to have to take issue with Bush and his cronies. I’m more offended by the U.S. conduct in places like Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib than I am by Amnesty International’s word choice.
This is, I realize, supposed to be a humorous blog–a place where everyone knows your name, a place where you might even find “funny humor.” So this is the time I’m supposed to crack a joke to ease the tension and make everything feel all right. But I don’t think I can do that right now, because–to borrow a phrase from Burt, one of Call Me Snake’s most persistent (and persnickety) critics–”I’m not laughing.”
Posted by
at
23:32:57
I miss the funny guy we all hate. I like him better than the political guy we all hate, even though he is not funny.
Yeah, Burt, who kidnapped Snark and replaced him with this garden-variety freedom hater?
Don’t worry, Lil’ Red — I’ll go back to writing about nothing again; I may even rekindle my beloved Boston Celtics/Antoine Walker series. And just to set the record straight: I’m not really a freedom hater. However, I’m not sure whether the freedom to torture is protected under the Bill of Rights. Perhaps it’s under the Bill of Wrongs?
The trick is to combine the serious with the humorous. For instance:
Bush walks into a bar in New Haven and orders a bottle of Jack Daniels. The bartender, a buxom, middle-aged blonde, thinks he looks kind of familiar, but she can’t quite place his face.
"Why so down?" she asks, handing him the bottle.
"I-raq," Bush mumbles, tipping the bottle back.
The bartender doesn’t say anything.
"Fucking Abu Graib," Bush mumbles.
The bartender frowns.
"Goddamn Gitmo," Bush mumbles.
Suddenly, the bartender grabs the bottle, smashes Bush over the head with it and throws him out the door.
The Secret Service guys come running.
"What the hell did you do that for?" they say, wrestling the bartender to the floor.
"He said I had a ‘nice rack’, he’d like "a fuck and a booty grab’ and he’s ‘got to get more’!" the bartender shouts. "What would you do?"
"That was the President!" the Secret Service guy says.
"The President?" the bartender says. "Oh. I thought that jerk from the Class of ‘68 was back."
All right. So maybe that’s not the best example. But you get my drift.
That joke got off to a great start. You really had me for awhile. But I get the idea, in any case. People will joke about anybody or anything, including Jeffrey Dahmer. (I personally don’t want to go there–Dahmer jokes & the like–but some do.)