AND THE WINNER IS… by Steve Nadis
In the “honk if” category, there’s a two-way tie for first place between “Honk if you believe in atheism!” (me) and “Honk if you hate honking” (Gatemouth). The runners-up prize goes to Gatemouth for: “Honk if you want to see some REAL road rage.” Honorable mention goes to Gatemouth for: “Honk if your meds are wearing off.”
In the “politically incorrect” category, first prize goes to Gatemouth for “Stop the war–draft Jenna and Barbara Bush!”
Finally, in the hotly-contested “politically correct” category, the winners are ME for “Every man for his or herself” and ME for “I’m not drunk. I’m just tired.”
I’d like to thank all the contestants for their boundless energy and enthusiasm. If we could find a way of bottling that up, somebody, somewhere might eventually find a use for it. I’d also like to thank the judges for taking the time to sift through the entries and, in the end, making fair and incontrovertible decisions that no one in his (or her!) right mind could reasonably challenge.
If these are the winners, I’d hate to see the losers. I could have done better if I had the time, but I had more important things to do.
Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should just call you the winner, knowing that if you had the time, you surely would have won. But would that really be fair to the other contestants?
Omygod! I won! I won! I can’t believe it!
I’d like to thank my parents, and my personal trainer, who I haven’t slept with yet but probably will as soon as I get my picture in Blogger Magazine, and most of all the Good Lord Above, who spends so much of His/Her time looking out for people like me, not to mention all the other sports figures and celebrities, that She/He doesn’t have time to do things like initiate world peace, so everyone should just get of His/Her case, okay?
I love you all!
P.S. Burt–I would have voted you Mr. Congeniality, but you’re not. Sorry.
Congratulations, Gatemouth! You deserve all the awards, plus honorable mentions you received. You clearly have a rare gift for bumper stickers. Do not squander it by giving your ideas away for free to some random blog. And rest assured that Burt, too, will win his award, once we figure out an appropriate category–perhaps Blog Curmudgeon of the Year?
I will gladly accept that award if it is offered. You have made it easy to be a curmudgeon, given the quality of the product you’re turning out.
Thank you, Burt. Coming from someone like you, that is high praise indeed.