“FULL ATTACK MODE” (or “The Hellstrom Chronicles, Part II”) —– by Steve Nadis
My house is besieged, not surprisingly, with houseflies. They’re not a terrible nuisance, since they don’t bite, but their buzzing drives me crazy and I cannot rest until I drive them out, dead or alive. A friend who visited over the weekend told me he feels the same. When a fly has the temerity to enter his castle, he said, he goes into “full attack mode.” I cannot help but picture this quiet, mild-mannered guy dressed in full body armor and equipped with night vision goggles and an arsenal of weapons worthy of Arnold in his earlier, pre-governor days.
The insects never rest and as “The Hellstrom Chronicles” sagely predicted, ultimately they’re going to win the war. In the spring, the ants launch repeated assaults on the fortress. For most of the summer, we’ve been plagued with moths that have a particular fondness for Wheaties. And now it’s those infernal houseflies. I’m constantly chasing them around with a rolled up newspaper (low-tech, I admit). It’s a miracle I have any time to actually read the paper which is supposedly what we spend hundreds of dollars each year on. Maybe I should save my money and invest in a few good flyswatters.
Posted by
at
17:21:32
I agree with your description, though I’d put an emphasis on the "moderately."
I think Gatemouth is right. Your persistent (insistent?) comments about how unfunny this blog is are, frankly, unfunny. This I believe.
C’mon, Lindsey, you haven’t figured out who Burt is yet?
Are Wheaties with moths like Lucky Charms with marshmallows?
An excellent question, doc. That depends, of course, on what you think of marshmallows and what you think of moths. Reminds me of a Steinbeck novella I once read: "Of Marshmallows and Moths."
Get a cat. My cat loves insects. He loves chasing them. He loves catching them. He loves playing with them after he has caught them. He loves eating them when he is through playing with them. In my house, insects are considered free cat toys.
Cats, or kittens, are a recent addition to this household and more will be said on that I’m sure.