WHERE’S THE CRUNCH? — by Steve Nadis
Last Saturday, during my second stint as “soccer dad,” I got a bit bored with the standing on the sidelines, cheering, and went to the nearest food store to get some provisions. The nearest store happened to be a Trader Joe’s, a West Coast import that seems to be wildly popular around here. On weekends, the lines start early and grow from there. I’m not a huge fan of TJ’s, as it’s affectionately known, which has good prices in some areas, but a spotty selection, which means you still have to go to a real grocery store when you’re done battling the crowds.
But I figured it would be OK for something like peanut butter. Was I ever wrong. I bought a jar of Trader Joe’s “Crunchy” Peanut Butter and guess what? NO CRUNCH. In fact, I have not yet found a single crunch in the entire jar. This was distressing to me, as you can imagine. I’m now trying to determine whether the “emotional distress” I’ve suffered constitutes sufficient grounds for a lucrative lawsuit that will never make it to court, but will nevertheless net me an ample payoff.
Does anyone else out there in cyberspace have experience with frivolous lawsuits–the kind that are turning our legal system into a sham of a mockery of a delusion? If so, please get in touch. My attorneys, a latter-day “dream team,” are eager to hear from you.
Posted by in 13:27:42
Screw the lawsuit, Snake. Stop making lawyers rich. Just write a nice letter to "Customer Relations" for the Co. listed on the jar. You’ll get a refund, coupons, possibly even guys at your door laden w/ foodstuff ass’tments. Don’t laugh. My sister wrote a ‘good’ letter in HiSchool complaining that her Hostess cherry pie had ONE CHERRY. 2 dudes show up a few weeks later at the door & us kids had snack cakes for weeks. The pen is mightier than the sword. & you have 1 more agile than most. (Oh, & those guys were SHOCKED it was a 17 yr old who wrote that letter.)
Thanks for the note, Marco, and for the intelligent advice. But it’s entirely too reasonably. I’m trying to shake things up here. Make some waves. In fact, the damages I’m seeking have just doubled.