CALL ME SNAKE

Some of you might be saying that for a guy who doesn’t watch TV, he sure watches a lot of TV. I can’t control what people say, even if they do spread falsehoods from time to time. The point I want to make is that I have been seeing a bit of “LOST” since this past summer–a time during which I’ve felt a bit lost myself. Now for a bit of explaining: I have not “watched” LOST in the same way that people who actually watch TV might watch it. I put the TV on and then get to work–doing dishes, paying bills, sorting my laundry, finishing my daily sudoku ritual (at which point I might be ready to engage in my daily seppuku ritual, if indeed it is possible to commit seppuku on a daily basis). The point is, I try to turn the TV on Wednesday nights between 9-10 p.m. EST, no matter where my attention lies.

I missed LOST the first time around and never had any intention of seeing it. But then a friend, who I assume to be a non-TV type since he is of a literary bent, told me it was “pretty interesting; you might want to check it out.” At that point, it was too late, so I waited for the summer rerun season and watched when I could. And, to my surprise, I agreed with him: It was pretty interesting. The other reason I trust this guy’s judgment is that I know he has good taste; he’s constantly telling me this blog is “outstanding,” which might be the only reason I persist in this folly.

But I digress. (Note to myself: Stop digressing!) As I was saying, then season two came around and I’m not so sure anymore. It seems to me, they’ve got all these people here on this island (if, in fact, it is an island. Everyone calls it an island, so maybe it is one, unless no one has gotten a good enough view of the perimeter to know whether it is or not.) But I digress again. (Note to myself: Stop digressing again!) As I was saying, they’ve got all these people on this island, or whatever it is, and they don’t know what to do with them. And no one seems to be going anywhere, except for the three who got off on one episode only to return in the next. (Maybe no one will ever go anywhere if the producers are determined to keep this series on the air as long as Friends, only by then no one on this show will be on speaking terms, let alone friends.)

Yet I digress a third time. (Note to myself: Stop digressing a third time!) As I was saying, another problem I’m having is that all the characters (whom I found generally intriguing/engaging the first time around) are really starting to get on my nerves. That Michael, for example, who had been generally sympathetic (despite a hotheaded streak) is now acting like a total idiot, yelling for his son every time he opens his mouth, and, in addition to being an idiot, has become a real jerk. Jack is getting hard to read, but seems pretty unpleasant most of the time. He’s getting moody–in an uninteresting way. Why spend an hour with a crabby guy? And Locke (Lock?) doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself when he’s not killing boars. Without a boar, he’s becoming a bit of a bore himself. And the worst kind of bore at that–a mystical one.

At the moment, this show, which got off to such a promising start in its first season, seems to be totally LOUSED. A few more nights like last night’s rerun, which I missed the first time around and that apparently had been my good fortune (it was incoherent and nothing of consequence happened), and I’ll have to reconsider this whole Wednesday night ritual. If I were smart, what I really ought to do is stop watching TV. Which is what I do best anyway.