CALL ME SNAKE

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Sometimes you wonder whether it's worth it, whether your blog is a total waste of time or whether, somewhere and somehow, it's making a difference. I've often thought of pulling the plug on this particular experiment and have come close on many occasions. But then there are those little reminders that come along, like this note from an anonymous friend called "Fletch," that let you know your blog is having an impact, for better or worse. Without further ado, I shall now turn the "conch" over to Fletch, who explains in dramatic fashion how his life has been touched by Call Me Snake. It's a heartwarming tale, full of wit and perspicacity, as you shall see...]

FLETCH SPEAKS: Things are deteriorating rapidly around here, and it’s clearly your fault (or at least not mine). First, this blog stuff has put a real dent in my daily routine.  Here I am, this very minute, at “work,” and what am I doing? Then, last night, under circumstances that are not interesting enough to deserve full disclosure, I find myself at a parent-teenager event, and what appears on the dinner table to fill the conversational void?  A Sudoku puzzle.  That’s right, I’d never encountered one before, only heard about them you-know-where (which I peruse during my time at “work” - see where we’re headed?).  Never one to turn down a challenge, I unleash my considerable puzzle-solving acumen on the unsuspecting piece of paper (using the only writing implement within range - a Bic ballpoint).  I become totally absorbed in the thing, shutting out virtually everything else (parallels are abounding here).

Well, you (or at least a novice such as I) shouldn’t attempt one of those things in pen.  So, I grabbed a couple of blank ones (just in case), and, at about 7:30, headed home - where we have a stash of sharp pencils with good erasers - expecting to knock the punk off in a few minutes or so before finishing the last few items on the weekend “To Do” list and picking up the Sunday NY Times to remind me of life outside my diurnal grind.  (At this point please remember the correspondence about sleep deprivation).

At about 9:30, I near the conclusion, but, as a result of sloppiness in the last few squares, I blow it.  About this time my wife comes over and says she’s heading to bed.  “OK, I just made a little mistake with this puzzle, I’ll be there soon,” say I.  I decide to start over, not exactly being able to retrace my steps.  One teen heads to bed, then another.  At 11:15, my quest ends with a perfect puzzle.  My son, who has been up doing practice SAT tests, chuckles at my obsession. This conversation ensues:

Son:  “Did you finish?”

Dad: “Yes, finally.  My blogger friend is into these, so I wanted to give it a try.”

Son: “Oh, so is this something you’ll become obsessed about over the next six months instead of doing what you’re supposed to do?”

Dad, with slightly raised eyebrows:  “Like what?”  [Now, the astute reader who shares a home with teenagers of this age will wonder at the wisdom of a father asking a question like this of such a teenager.  I must admit, after letting that one escape I went into sort of an intellectual "batten down the hatches" mode - what excuse can I offer, other than that it was way past my bedtime, and I was flush with the confidence that comes only from working a Sudoku puzzle in less than four hours.]

Son, after a momentary pause:  “Buying a car for the girls [his twin sisters who turn 16 in a month].”

Now, I was relieved that the response was so “trivial,” and won’t launch into an essay on “entitlement” (although such an essay is well deserved). I mumbled some half-responsive comment like “I’m still thinking about it,” and ambled off to bed.  (As an aside, I don’t think I’ll do Sudoku before bed again - it didn’t exactly help me drift off to sleep).

Anyway, I was all set to write and complain to you that the blog and Sudoku have ruined my life.  But then - if my life consists of supplying (or funding) transportation to teenagers - THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!!!

(EDITOR’S NOTE: The last two “Thank you’s,” along with the additional exclamation points, were added by the editor for emphasis. Well, that’s it for this week’s episode. Stay tuned for the next installment of our popular new feature, “Fletch to Snake: You’re Ruining My Life!” Until then, the balcony is closed.)