CALL ME SNAKE

I’m sure the clerk at the courtesy desk at Whole Foods must think I’m nuts. Earlier today I exchanged some cans of cat food that my cat didn’t like (fish flavor) for one she prefers (beef liver). Then I was back again tonight, a couple minutes before closing (10 p.m.), to exchange some cereals (I got the wrong variety of brown rice crisps,”original,” when I was supposed to get gluten free. That was my second encounter with the same clerk. A minute later, I took my credit slip, the correct cereal, and a few other items to the cashier where I realized I didn’t have my wallet. Fortunately I had a few dollars, enough to complete the purchase (minus a few items). But then I started to panic, thinking I might have lost my wallet there earlier this afternoon. So at 10:00 I showed up at the courtesy line a third time. I’m sure the woman was thinking I was either trying to hit on her–although approaching it in a dubious way–or, more likely, that I was a certifiable nutjob. I can’t blame her as I was starting to think the same–the “nutjob” option as opposed to the “hitting on her” option.

Fortunately, I found my wallet at home, which was a great relief as I had lost my wallet just two weeks ago and had finally replaced all the cards and various forms of ID. If I’d actually lost two wallets in two weeks, I wouldn’t have waited for them to commit me. I’d have voluntarily checked myself in.