December 22, 2005

YET ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTICE REGARDING THE PRE-YULETIDE BUMPER STICKER SWEEPSTAKES (and the winner is...) -- by Steve Nadis

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? In just a short moment, we shall announce the winners in this year's Pre-Yuletide Bumper Sticker Sweepstakes. The competition was fierce this time around and the caliber of entries was uniformly excellent. Yet one entry stood head and shoulders above the others (mainly because I left my printout of it in the attic). Now the moment you've all been waiting for. And the winner is... ME!!!!! For my pathbreaking entry: "LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF TORTURE -- All Hail the Bush Legacy!" I won, as explained above, for "General Excellence," yet there were many other winnners as well.

Windfall Woman won in the "Windfall" category, so named because she never even entered the contest. So her victory here is like a windfall in the truest sense of the word. Her entry: "Here's my definition of torture -- George W. Bush as President.

Ms. Amber won the "Brevity" award for: "Undercover Cop." She also won the "Politically Correct" contest for "I'm Not a HillBilly--I'm an Appalachian-American" and the "Car Talk Plaza Prize" for: "This car is still running, courtesy of Duct Tape"

Dr. Max won the "Christmas Spirit" award for his inspired: "Keep the Christ in Christmas or I''ll kill you!"

Flubberwinkle captured the "Stephen King" award for being so prolific. (Too many entries to cite here.)

And Gatemouth won the "Iron Man" award for having competed in and won every single competition. His winning entry this year: "If Bush were Santa, we'd be spending Christmas on our knees with our stockings pulled over our heads."

I'd like to take this time to thank all the winners, and I'm going to ask them to personally thank all the losers (as I don't have time to do that and find the job depressing anyway). I wish there were enough categories so that we could all be winners. On the other hand, there is something to be said for the current (cutthroat) arrangement. After all, what's the fun in winning if nobody is losing?

Posted by Snake at 00:37:50 | Permanent Link | Comments (9) |
Comments
1 - zardoz says:

seems i''m the only one in the stands.


so

....Y E A H....
..Y E A H ..........
..........U U U U U U
...... GO T E A M ....
............ Y E A H

---------------ZARDOZ (Comment this)

Written by: Anonymous at 2005/12/22 - 00:48:17
2 - Flubberwinkle strolls down aisle with beautiful red-carpet dress... Smiles, digital camera flashes, a tear forms in her eye:
"I''d like to thank my co-stars (everyone else that took part in the competition), the producer & director (Snake)! My parents (for getting together and making me), my hubbie and children (for not being creative enough to come up with a good alibi to get rid of me), my agent (for putting up with my artistic tantrums..."
:-D (Comment this)

Written by: Flubberwinkle at 2005/12/22 - 03:56:11
3 - Snark: I gotta disagree with the judges at CMS. Dr. Max should have won, with Ms. Amber a close second.

Some of these ideas should be sent to Northern Sun so that the rest of the country can enjoy them. (Comment this)

Written by: Turd Blossom at 2005/12/22 - 08:58:52
4 - Thanks, losers!

(You know, Snake, I don''t think that sounds as warm and friendly and good-sportsmanshipish as you intended.) (Comment this)

Written by: gatemouth at 2005/12/22 - 10:09:15
5 - Thank you Gatemouth for stepping up to the plate (once again!). Somebody had to do it. As for you others: Turd Blossom, you''re absolutely right; the judging process is corrupt to the core. Z, what can I say? Sorry but I can''t find any of your entries. Send them in; we might still be able to squeeze in another winner (for a fee, of course). And FW, relish the moment--you deserve it! In fact, you all do. Especially all those losers out there. Sorry, that didn''t come out right either. (Comment this)

Written by: Snake at 2005/12/22 - 10:13:01
6 - I''m putting on my tiara and ermine cape as I sit and watch Medium reruns while eating cheetos, alternating with ranch doritos, in my pink fuzzy bunny slippers, occasionally juggling a volleyball while glancing at a Sudoku puzzle I bought from 7-11. (Comment this)

Written by: Windfall Woman at 2005/12/22 - 10:28:00
7 - It''s taken awhile, Windfall, but I think you''re finally starting to get it. (Comment this)

Written by: Snake at 2005/12/22 - 10:38:42
8 - Thank you, everyone. Thank you. You love me, I know. You simply love me. Mwah! Mwah!
Now, if I could just convince my husband to let me put a bumper sticker on my truck, I''d have it made.
He''s a real ''stickler'' about things like that.
I want the "Appalachian American" bumper sticker.
MsAmber (Comment this)

Written by: MsAmber at 2005/12/22 - 17:27:14
9 - He should let you put it up Amber. You have a gift. Share it with the world, as TB wisely said. (Comment this)

Written by: Snake at 2005/12/22 - 22:31:59
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