March 27, 2006

CELEBRITY GUEST COMMENT!!!

Today we're starting a new feature here at Call Me Snake, and starting new features is one of the best things we do here at Call Me Snake. (It's also one of the things we do best here at Call Me Snake.) The author of Anatopsis, the subject of a recent post, has written a comment so witty that I have decided to reprint it in full. I am also negotiating with said author to take over Call Me Snake, which is badly in need of an "upgrade." Heretowith (sic?) is the aforementioned Celebrity Guest Comment:

Hi Snake: I just found this blog entry through Google, and I wanted to tell you that, no, I have not been able to handle my success. Immediately after the book launch, I took to drinking heavily and abusing prescription drugs. I also jumped on Oprah's coffee table (the couch was SO 2005), had a brief fling with a woman named Angelina Jolie (no relation to the actress), and went hunting with Dick Cheney. (I shot myself in the foot before he could get me. Ha! Sucker!) Also, I have converted to the Church of Pseudo-Scientology, which is a lot like Scientology but more creative. Anyway, you can see that fame and fortune have ruined me. But my biggest concern is you: how are you handling my success? Have you ever considered converting to Pseudo-Scientology? We could use a brainy guy like you to give us credibility.(Plus we need one more for our beach volleyball team.)

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THE AUTHOR (ME, NOT HIM) REPLIES: As for how I'm handling his success, I'll have to issue my standard reply -- "One day at a time." Meanwhile, we anxiously await your sequel. Or prequel, whichever comes first.

Posted by Snake at 11:01:04 | Permanent Link | Comments (8) |
Comments
1 - Thanks, Snake. As if my former success wasn't enough, now you've gone and made me a celebrity. I'm probably going to end up having a baby with Jennifer Aniston now, which we'll name "Banana" or "Scrunchie" or possibly "Desert Storm." And then, after the tabloids catch me cheating on her (not to mention the aforementioned Angelina Jolie, and, of course, my wife), I'll have to go to the Betty Ford clinic and stay just long enough to write a fake memoir about my journey from bad-boy children's book author to clean-and-sober ladies lingerie sales person. But then Oprah will discover that it's not a fake memoir, it's real, and she'll be so angry she'll invite seven National Book Award winning authors onto the show to talk about how honesty is degrading the fine art of fictional non-fiction.

So, thanks for pushing me off the edge of the cliff, Snake. I can only hope success dogs you as close and quickly as it has dogged me. (That's going to be the title of my next book, by the way: "Memoir Dogs".) (Comment this)

Written by: Chris Abouzeid at 2006/03/27 - 14:42:18
2 - Thank you Chris. Now I see I did not err in choosing you to become our first "Celebrity Guest Commenter." Or Commentator. Who knows? This could be your steppingstone to Hollywood Squares. By the way, I heard Joan Rivers was running a singles ad on match.com. I'm not sure if that's relevant to anything we've been talking about, but it did come to mind.
 (Comment this)

Written by: Snake at 2006/03/27 - 15:48:28
3 - I feel so unworthy. (Comment this)

Written by: Windfall Woman at 2006/03/27 - 21:00:37
4 - Don't feel bad, WFW. You might get a Celebrity Guest slot. Or perhaps you'll skip that and go straight to Hollywood Squares. (Comment this)

Written by: Snake at 2006/03/27 - 22:48:11
5 - "Celebrity Guest Commenter" is now my second favorite feature on "Call Me Snake". Can't wait for the next installment. BTW, my favorite feature is (are?) (nope, got to be "is") the bumper sticker contests. Aren't you overdue for a bumper sticker contest? (Comment this)

Written by: Oldroses at 2006/03/28 - 01:37:44
6 - Thanks Roses. Yes, we are overdue for a contest. Way overdue. I plan to run one as soon as I come up with the winning entry. (Comment this)

Written by: Snake at 2006/03/28 - 02:13:55
7 - Wow! What next here at "Call Me Snake"?
Now I'm rubbing comments with celebrities. I feel so giddy, I wish I had my autograph book handy. (Comment this)

Written by: Flubberwinkle at 2006/03/28 - 03:35:59
8 - Hi FW -- I don't know where we go next. Maybe we've peaked and it's all downhill from here. (Comment this)

Written by: Snake at 2006/03/28 - 10:27:49
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