CALL ME SNAKE

We all thought blogging was good clean fun until a Chicago ad exec went and killed himself last week, possibly because of insulting blogs written about him. That was a wakeup call to me to try not to malign anyone unfairly. And I’ve tried to follow that rule but have made a few notable exceptions: the President, Vice President, former Secretary of Defense, and Massachusett’s previous governor. And in those cases I don’t think my maligning was exactly unfair. Still, I’m going to think twice in the future before I shoot by mouth off–or shoot my typing fingers off, as the case may be, though not literally…

I’d like to apologize for the last post. I’ve been pretty busy lately, and I’m trying to make the posts shorter and shorter, perhaps following in the footsteps of my blogger hero, Jungle Jerk (see link on right). But I have to admit that the last one–with zero words–went too far. I shall try in the future to ensure that my posts have at least one word. And if it is just one word, I promise to make it a good one.

Sorry, I promised not to say sorry, but here I am saying it again. Yes, if you’re wondering, I pulled the last post, the one about… Well, actually, I’d rather not say. You see, I might have other uses for that post. I could tie my horse to it, for instance. Or tie something. Or untie something, as the case may be. In any case, I hope you didn’t grow too fond of that old post during the short while it was here (the “half-life of a fart,” as some have called it). Rest assured that a replacement will be found soon. And I promise it will be even better than the original. And that’s a promise you can take to the bank. (Just before it goes belly up. No, that’s a joke, and a sorry one at that. There, I went and sad that infernal word again! Sorry!)

We’re back with one of our most popular new features here at Call Me Snake. That’s right, it’s time for another “Celebrity Guest Comment”–this one from the pen of an influential lawyer in Nashville, Tennessee’s thriving entertainment industry. I know this guy on account of how we’ve played soccer together, gone backpacking, kayaking, and skiing, and even played cribbage–sometimes while listening to “Cat Stevens” before he changed his name. So without further ado, we’ll let today’s celebrity speak for himself. Mr. Celebrity sir, the “conch” is yours….

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Snake, Every once in awhile I check in at the blog. The baseball piece got my attention. First, I hated baseball, but played it constantly.  I was bad at it (unlike you, I would never have made an A team had “Centerville” had a Little League when I was coming through the ranks) and probably received some deep injury to my psyche by constantly “underperforming” in comparison to my peers.  However, I liked the bit about “line ball” and 16-inch softball and the pick-up games.  (Here’s where I get a little serious, with apologies.)

My kids don’t have a neighborhood.  They can’t imagine going outside and playing a baseball game or anything else.  It just doesn’t happen here.  Do you think it still happens in your old “Plainsville” neighborhood? I wonder if my kids will be different (in a negative way) because so much of their sports (and other activities) are so organized by adults.  What do you think, Snake?

Second (back to baseball), my son (do daughters play softball?  Mine didn’t, thankfully - read on) played Little League for a few years.  Big mistake.  It consumed so much of our family’s time that I found myself, during playoffs, silently cheering for the other team to win so the season would come to a merciful close.  My cousin, father of two sons, forbade them to engage in the National Pasttime (is that how you spelled it?) for that very reason, even though he did so as a boy.  

Phew, I’m glad THOSE thoughts are off my chest. I’m also glad to hear you deliver your daughters to school via bike.  You’re a good man, but, thanks to the internet, not too hard to find. By the way, I know a great place to get coffee here next time you’re in town…

In a comment posted earlier today, Dr. Max named me a co-recipient of his “Most Frequent Comment Suppliers Award”–a hard-earned prize that I shall cherish forever. That reminded me that I have not done enough to thank the hard-working “comment suppliers” who have been essential to the unbridled success of “Call Me Snake.” With Dr. Max’s prompting, I’ll take the opportunity to do so now.

The award for the steadiest, most predictable commentary goes to Burt, who knows how to put me in my place in those rare instances when my ego gets the better of me. The aforementioned Dr. Max captures the award in the often-elusive area of “funny humor writing.” Gatemouth wins hands-down for “outstanding contributions in the field bumper sticker humor.” I hope you won’t find it patronizing of me to say: “You have a gift, son.” CheneyLover (aka Little Red Ride-Up, Mike Gorman, and other obscure handles) wins for all-around wit, irony, and biting commentary. Lindsey, meanwhile, wins the “most supportive” award, which can help a lonely blogger continue in this most solitary of avocations. Finally, I’d like to thank all those other people who write in from time to time to say what a tremendous writer I am and remind me that this blog is a “national treasure” and “bright spot in the otherwise dim realm of the blogosphere.” Thank you for saying that, and I want to thank the rest of you for thinking it even if you haven’t yet had the chance to say it.

An astute reader “called in,” so to speak, to let me know of an error that occurred in my March 28 entry, “THIS I BELIEVE.” I had originally written the following: “After sifting the the various arguments raised…” This reader, with her eagle-sharp eyes, as well as keen mental acuity, informed me of the “double-article” construction, which is frowned upon in the Queen’s English. I quickly corrected the offending passage so that it now reads: “After sifting through the various arguments raised…” I apologize for any emotional distress unwittingly caused by this error, especially in view of the delicate subject matter.

Meanwhile, another astute reader–even more astute than the first reader, who is already quite astute, if not very astute, and I mean “quite” in the American (i.e., heightening) sense, rather than in the British (i.e., diminishing) sense–pointed out that what has evolved here is truly quite remarkable: “an online spellchecking (sic) community.” I am grateful for all the help I have received in this regard, particularly since my “spellchecking” (sic) software seems to be disabled in blog.com. What’s more, I agree with almost everything this well-meaning individual said. Nevertheless, I do take issue with one aspect of his statement: “spellchecking,” at least to my way of thinking, ought to be hyphenated.